BY ASHLEY FRAY
When two whites get married there is no political discussion. No issues to be hashed and no “concerns.” When two blacks get married the result is the same. No problems associated with this bond, no shame. It’s just a big party. But that’s not where I am from. I was born by a union between a white woman and a black man. Fireworks! Everyone has an opinion about it. Questions are asked. Does that black man hate his race? Is this the abandonment of a black woman who will now go without a husband, left penniless without support of a male? Is the white woman in the union because of her new mate’s suggested sexual prowess? Is this, excuse me if I am really honest, about the real or imagined size of his genitals? Does she have “jungle fever”? Meaning all black people come from jungles or whatever. Simply untrue. Or is it something else altogether different? Could it be just two people who fell in love and married like everyone else? But I fear it could possibly be related to the devaluing of black women. Why do I say that? It doesn’t make sense. I was born to one of these black/male white female unions. I should celebrate it. Right? Unfortunately, many white women fetishize biracial light skinned children. Even today. I see it on Twitter. Beautiful white women touting themselves as the preferable mates to black men and think of all the cute little mixed babies we can make. Again on Twitter, the black men tend to agree. Not all. But enough to create an issue. Many black men have taken to bashing black women in social media and in rap music. Lyrics that state a preference for “yellow bone” women or “white hoes.” That is the lowest point. But what is it like to grow up one of those “cute little mixed babies” with supposedly “good hair?” It’s awful. You spend most of your youth believing that women of African descent aren’t good enough for black men. You believe that the white woman, your mother, is superior somehow. And your dad believes it too. The problems begin in your formative years. The interracial couple, out of concerns for their emotional and physical safety, surround themselves with only other interracial couples in the same way. Black man: white woman. It seems normal to you. You even begin to like it. When you see an interracial couple you think, “Just wait until those cute little mixed babies are born.” My friend and I, who is also mixed in the same way, once approached an interracial couple and let them see us so they could imagine what their own glorious future will be like. In my tween years I still held those beliefs. Taking white women’s side when they declare that black women are too “angry,” or “disrespectful of their men.” After all, black men are only seeking refuge from the terrible poor angry black women who are unsuitable for anyone. We could see that even white men won’t take them so why should a black man be so burdened? When you see an all-black couple, you feel sorry for the man because you know the terrible life in store for him with one of “those” women. Sick. If you google “why do black men prefer white women?” you get thousands of hits. Articles, chat rooms, tweets, Facebook posts. In 2016, these ideas still proliferate. What is my opinion now that I am grown up? I am in the middle somewhere. Some black men just happen to love white women. That is their preference. They don’t feel the need to denigrate black females in anyway. They may have close relationships with their mothers, aunts, sisters, etc. … They genuinely care about the lives of black women. They may even consider their children as black. They don’t admire “light skinned” babies. We are simply their children. However, there is still a large group of interracial couples whose bond is based on a mutual hatred for black women. I don’t make this stuff up. Many of these men worship white trophy wives and base much of their self-esteem on the false premise that black women are not as attractive as mates. The white women feel they are doing a public service to the “downtrodden” black man by allowing him to access the “ultimate mate.” Black women are, according to census data, the least likely of all Americans to be married. There are roughly 364,000 more married black men than women. What is even worse is that these “undesirable” black females are left to raise black children without fathers. Black men, like my own father, abandon their black wives and black sons and daughters to reside in the glorious land of “lily white.”
